The Why? What? and How? of Transitions Mentoring

Transitions happen all the time and all through our lives: what we once knew is no longer what we relied on being the same (for ever or at least for some time to come)… And to be honest, this change, this drama, this shift in our world(s) can be traumatic, scary and extremely destructive to our balance and how we live thereafter.

Transitions are – for me – times when we are quite simply challenged by changes often beyond any control we may have to influence the circumstances. They can cause heart-breaks, grief, bereavement, distress on almost any level, shock, symptoms in the mind, the body and or the spirit.

(An incomplete list of problematic or negative) Transitions includes, in no particular order:

Death and Loss

  • death of a loved one – family member (parent, child, other relative), friend, partner
  • death of a dream, an idea, a hope, a delusion, a trusted situation
  • loss of a relationship, a job, a contract, a home, a sense of purpose, a valued possession, of money, of security
  • loss of youth, of sense of self or purpose
  • loss of the ability to face the world and deal with life and confidence
  • loss of capacity, of resilience, of ability to manage (for whatever reason)

Health and Well Being

  • a challenge to your health, your well-being that’s serious enough to change how you live your life
  • an unexpected diagnosis of serious illness of self, family member or friend
  • a serious or catastrophic injury to self, family member or friend
  • assault, accident or surgery – severe or otherwise

Other Significant Transitions

  • getting married, getting divorced, having children for the first, second, third time et al.
  • getting into, being in or getting out of a relationship
  • discovering deceit, breach of trust – being the victim of fraud, theft, destruction to your life by another
  • dissolving of a partnership – at home, at work, in love
  • becoming addicted to drugs (any type), alcohol, behaviourisms (gambling, co-dependence, religious thought, politics, self-destruction etc. etc.)
  • falling into depression, despair, fear or distress
  • imprisonment – before, during or after – the effects and influences of the experience
  • being accused or incorrectly punished for something you are innocent of
  • bullying and intimidation – both as perpetrator or victim
  • victim to / of any crime – violent or otherwise
  • deciding how to be, where to be, where to go in one’s life; what next and all its implications
  • exams, challenges and things that press buttons and push towards our limits of endurance …

Why an incomplete list? Because who can ever say what causes a Transition in someone’s life?

Important note: Oddly, positive or beneficial Transitions can prove stressful, too – many of the above when they can be seen as definite “gains” in life – new job, new relationship, success in gaining contracts, sudden influx of wealth … and overcoming a major hurdle or obstacle, can prove traumatic and distressing (because the known has changed).

The Bottom Line

Life is full of changes and challenges and some of these can prove just too much or push us too far, on top of all the other “stuff” life throws at us, and thus pushes that “too much pressure” button. And that’s when life gets difficult… And that’s Why? Transitions Mentoring.

What? Transitions Mentoring is

A simple set of communication and engagement tools that include:

  • deep listening
  • engagement
  • incisive questions
  • care
  • support
  • understanding
  • empathy
  • intuition
  • consideration
  • acknowledgement
  • acceptance
  • kindness
  • among other things, skills and qualities…

How? Transitions Mentoring works

Using the above tools it is possible to experience life differently.

We, each and all, have thoughts, feelings, beliefs, experiences, understandings and behaviours that determine our lives. Sometimes, these do not help us in the way we experience and or live our lives. Transitions Mentoring – through understanding and dealing with the (unhelpful or painful) patterns – is one way to shift one’s life onto a more comfortable or even keel.

Everyone has the potential and capacity to change their thinking, change their experience and change their lives. That doesn’t mean we all will. The possibility and capability is there. Transition Mentoring is a choice you can make to experience life in a more positive, well being rich way.

About Benn Abdy-Collins

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